England Germany: The Final Solution?

It seems as though England have settled in nicely to the new Wembley stadium, having lost last night to an under - strength Germany team.
We all know by now know the familiar pattern set by previous Anglo – Germanic fixtures.

England started the game the better side by far, keeping possession and dominating the game, not letting the krauts have a look in hardly. With Joe Cole and Frank Lampard controlling the midfield, and the pace ever quickening, it was inevitable that England would soon score. And score they bloody did; young nineteen year old Richards, right back, got passed Panda and another German defender to flick it up for Frank Lampard to blast past Lehman’s near side to make it one nil.

This, however, is every Englishman’s worst fear. We’re very good at taking the lead and initiate in a match, but that’s when it all goes downhill. We loose the motivation to keep attacking, keep dominating and keep making opportunities. That’s when the Germans took advantage and in the second quarter we paid the price for it, and that’s when this author knew we were buggered. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Jerkoffs.

However bad our number one may have been and the lack of opportunistic play being made in the second halve, the most frustrating, yet predictable, part of the match was with our number nine. Alan fucking Smith.

His England record speaks for itself. One goal in eighteen appearances. Now I’m no football expert, but what the fuck is that all about?! That record doesn’t just deserve him being struck of the number nine shirt, but an instant sacking of club football as well, with him being made to repay his total football salary up to now on top. The guy is a total fucking dick head. He had absolutely no chances in the first half, after which he was subbed. His only contribution, as the teams main striker and supposed goal scorer, which the nine shirt brings, was to set up Owen late in the first half. For fucks sake.

What escapes me is how McLaren can give the sacred nine shirt to this bucket of absolute useless monkey spunk, when the likes of Crouch, Defoe and Owen and getting half games, and have far superior scoring records. What escapes me further, however, is that the England boss can justify Smiths continuing presence in the national team.

Obviously Rooney is the managers and nations deserved favourite; he is the only one who can play and feel comfortable operating alone ahead of the pack, but in his absence the clear choice surely must be Owen and Defoe, with Crouch as a reserve / sub. Owens record, when match fit, is excellent, Defoe’s and Crouch’s equally good. The solution, this author believes, is simple; immediate decapitation of Smith. Tosser.